


Distance

by thedoctorandpotter



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: F/M, Songfic, otp, whouffaldi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-03
Updated: 2015-09-03
Packaged: 2018-04-18 20:20:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 9,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4719173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedoctorandpotter/pseuds/thedoctorandpotter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor keeps trying to tell Clara he loves her. And somehow, she never hears it. Join me in pure whouffaldi fluff. This is my first time writing a fanfic, so cut me some slack, maybe...? </p><p>how long 'till we call this love?<br/>~christina perri, distance</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Sun Is Filling Up The Room

Clara was falling. She was burning and freezing and thawing and experiencing a thousand different emotions at once and she was drawing ever closer to the bottom of the pit, her oblivion.  
forever falling, never stopping, always falling, and oh, reaching the end with too much force and she was dying without ever living and falling and  
Clara woke with a start in a sunlit room, damp with sweat, and she suspected, blood. She felt as though she had just fallen into the bed she was laying in. She tried to sit up, but got all too dizzy and had to lay back again. A noise near the shelves of medicine startled her and she turned toward it. "Doctor?" she tried tentatively.  
"Clara!" the Doctor said with a small grin. "You're awake!" He seemed relieved.  
"What-what happened?" Clara stuttered sleepily.  
"Ah, well..." the Doctor rubbed his forehead with his finger. "You were hit with a blow to the head by Vinvocci glass."  
"Vinvocci-Vinvocci what?"  
"Vinvocci glass. You've got a bit of a scrape on your forehead and you passed out because of the force of the flying glass. But at least it didn't shatter on you, that would have been disastrous."  
Clara didn't  want to ask him what would have happened if the glass had shattered. The Doctor sensed her resignation and walked over with a hot towel and gingerly sat down on a chair near her bed. He draped the towel over her forehead and saw that she was falling asleep. She breathed in and out, her eyes closing. He hesitated, then put a hand in her hair, stroking it gently. "I could have lost you..." he whispered to her softly. He slowly withdrew his hand  and rested his head on it. He paused, then whispered to her what he had told himself he must never say. But Clara was already asleep.


	2. I Can Hear You Dreaming

Clara closed the fridge in the TARDIS kitchen, grasping a carton of eggs in the other hand. On the other side of a kitchen, a pan sizzled on the stove. Humming lightly, she crossed the kitchen, set the carton down, and cracked a couple of eggs in the pan. "Doctor!" she yelled to his bedroom next door. "Breakfast!"  
There was a pause, then she heard his deep Scottish voice shout "Clara!" as if he was distressed.  
Clara quirked an eyebrow. "Doctor?" she shouted back at him. "You alright?" There was no response. She poked her head into his room and saw that he was asleep on his bed. Clara was confused. "Huh?" she said aloud.  
"Clara!" the Doctor yelled aloud in his sleep. Clara gasped, startled, and dropped the plate of eggs she was holding. The Doctor sat up, suddenly awake. "Clara?" he said, bewildered, as she bent to clean up the mess. Clara looked up at his tousled hair and bare chest.  
"Sorry..." she apologized blushingly.  
"Clara?" he said again. "What are you doing in my room?"  
Clara apologized again and rushed out with the shards of glass and mess of egg. The Doctor came into the kitchen ten minutes later, dressed and shaved. Clara set two fresh plates of scrambled eggs on the table, took off her apron, and sat down across from the Doctor. "Um, sorry again about earlier." she blurted.  
"That's quite alright." the Doctor said, looking at her intently. "You don't have to keep apologizing."  
Clara smiled shakily. "What were you dreaming about, Doctor? You kept shouting...stuff."  
The Doctor's eyes saddened slightly. "I was dreaming...." he said "About..."  
Clara placed a comforting hand on his arm. "Go on."  
The Doctor cleared his throat. "I, uh...I had lost you, Clara. We had a disagreement with Missy, and...I lost you."  
Clara gave him her sad smile. "Oh, Doctor." she said to him. "You won't get rid of me that easily." She placed her other hand on his other arm. The Doctor was suddenly struck by how beautiful she looked in her nightdress, smiling at him with melancholy. His eyes softened and he grasped her forearms, leaning forward slightly. "Clara..." he murmured. She closed her eyes at the way he said her name. The Doctor opened his mouth. "Clara, I-"  
But the TARDIS danger alarm had gone off. He quickly jerked out of his seat at the sharp noise and ran toward the console room. "Come on, then!"


	3. Do You Feel The Way I Do?

The Doctor and Clara were staying at a hotel for the time being, as the TARDIS had flown herself away for a while after Clara had aimed a particularly nasty insult at her, leaving them stranded on an alien-yet civilized-planet. Clara and the Doctor had been getting increasingly close ever since the Christmas with the dream crabs, but they weren't quite close enough to share a bed, or even a room. So the pajama-clad Doctor was stuck raising a trembling fist to knock on Clara's door. Before he could bring his fist down, the door opened and Clara emerged, wearing a soft blue nightie. She was walking so fast out the door she nearly ran into him. "Doctor!" she said, blushing slightly. "Hello..."  
"Clara, are you alright?" he asked, now crimson. "You seem a bit...rushed."  
"No, no, I'm fine." Clara said, regaining her composure. "You look so adorable." She laughed, pointing at his pajamas. The Doctor blushed even more furiously at this. "I have to talk to you, Clara."   
Clara looked mildly surprised but stood aside for the Doctor to enter. "Come in."  
The Doctor came into the room and sat down on a rocking chair in the corner. Clara sat on the corner of her bed. "What is it?" she said with a kind smile.  
The Doctor was close enough to take Clara's hand, and he did so. She took his other hand in hers.  
"Clara..." started the Doctor. "I..."  
Clara looked at him with concern. "Are you alright?"  
The Doctor nodded heavily. "Let me talk, Clara Oswald."   
She took in his voice saying her name, memorizing it. The look in her eyes pleaded with him to continue and he looked back at her, his eyes searching hers as he stroked her hand.   
"I..." he was almost whispering now. "Do you...?"  
He was interrupted by a wheezing noise in the corner of of the room. The Doctor turned his head abruptly towards the noise, dropping her hands. The TARDIS had finally returned. The Doctor rubbed his forehead as he stood up. Clara stood up with him and cleared her throat.   
"Well, there you are!" exclaimed the Doctor. "I had been wondering when you were going to come back."  
Clara glanced at the Doctor nervously but decided not to ask about what was going to say. Although the TARDIS was back, they both stayed in the same warm bed in the hotel for the night.


	4. I Wish We Would Just Give Up

The Doctor and Clara were running down a corridor hand in hand, as it should be. Clara ran alongside him, grinning. She had missed the thrill of the chase in her time away. The Doctor ran as fast as he could and squeezed her hand with all his might, for fear of losing her. But he had a smile on his face, too.  
"Surrender!" hissed the Raxicoricofallapatorian chasing them. But the two had turned a corner and collapsed into the TARDIS. They sat on the floor with their backs leaning against the door, smiling at each other like idiots.  
"That was quite close." huffed the Doctor.  
Clara looked at the state of his clothes and the sweat on his face. "It certainly was." she remarked. "You look exhausted." She squeezed the hand that was still enclosed around hers.  
The Doctor ran a hand through his hair absentmindedly. "I'll have to have a wash..."  
"You definitely should." she said. "I could use one myself."  
The Doctor looked at her ripped clothes and disgusting sweaty face and thought to himself that she was the most beautiful sight he had seen in his whole life. He sighed, and she caught him staring at her. "What is it?" she said to him, laughing. "What?"  
The Doctor tore his gaze away. "Nothing." He pulled himself a little closer to Clara and rested the hand holding hers in his lap. The Doctor slowly reached up and wiped a trace of dirt off of her face, swallowing. He then opened his mouth and said quickly, "Clara I l-"  
The TARDIS suddenly started crashing about, even though they hadn't pulled any levers. Clara yelped and was knocked to side and the next thing she knew, she was on the Doctor's lap. Blushing, she jumped up and yelled, "The Raxicoricofallapatorians! They're shaking the TARDIS!"  
The Doctor was redder in the face then she'd ever seen him. "Let's just take off!" he managed, rushing to the console. The two flew off in the blue box.


	5. The Best Part Is Falling

The helicopter blades span quickly, beating out a steady rhythm as it flew over the grassy fields of Africa. A cheetah galloped through the trees near the field. Up above in the helicopter, an excited Doctor was reassuring a very nervous Clara Oswald.   
"It'll be fine, there's no risk at all with this modern technology." he said confidently.   
Clara looked at him doubtfully. "Skydiving was not what I had in mind when you said we were going to have a vacation in future Africa, Doctor."   
The Doctor shook his head at her. "Come on, this is going to be fun!" He patted her shoulder.   
Clara frowned. "Falling out of a helicopter does not sound fun."  
"The best part is falling." the Doctor advised her. Clara caught his eye for a moment, but the doors of the helicopter had opened before she could say anything. Clara inched slowly toward perilously open door, looked down, and gulped. Before she knew it, the Doctor had taken her arm gently and pulled her out of the plane with him, leaving them free falling toward the ground.   
"Agh!" Clara screamed loudly. "Doctor!" she shrieked.   
The Doctor was laughing and yelling as they dropped toward the field alarmingly. Clara was half sobbing, half laughing as she clung to him in midair. The Doctor pulled both their cords together and the parachutes opened above them. Clara was stunned as they started to fall much slower toward the ground. She kept clinging to him, too terrified to let go. The Doctor wrapped his own arms around her waist and held her to him. The Doctor landed on his feet, but Clara toppled down onto the field. The Doctor laughed, grabbed Clara's hands, and pulled her up. Clara was still shocked but now smiling. She opened her mouth and said, "That was phenomenal."   
The Doctor grinned at her and raised his eyebrows. "Good, huh? Wanna go again?"   
Clara smiled. "Definitely." She then unexpectedly thrust her arms around his neck to hug him. The Doctor awkwardly returned her embrace, patting her back.   
Clara finally pulled away and said seriously, "You're right. Falling was the best part." The Doctor's hearts pounded in his chest and he gazed thoughtfully at her, as if working out a puzzle. He the pulled his arms up, cupped her face, and searched her face with his eyes.   
"The thing is, Clara," the Doctor said softly. "I haven't been telling you something."   
Clara looked surprised at his choice of physical contact, but wrapped her arms back around him. "What is it, Doctor?"   
The Doctor sighed. It was just too difficult for him to speak the simple words to the earnest face staring up at him. She could easily reject him, or dismiss him as an old, decrepit man. He closed his eyes. "Oh Clara." he said to the blackness. "I-"   
He was interrupted by the noise of  blades as the helicopter touched down near them. They quickly jumped apart, both embarrassed. Without another word, the Doctor stalked into the plane, followed by a sighing Clara.


	6. Call It Anything But Love

"A cone of pistachio ice cream, please." Clara Oswald said to the waitress. "Doctor, what do you want?" she asked the grumpy time lord sitting in the booth across from her.   
The Doctor shrugged. "Whatever you're having, I suppose."   
Clara smiled at him as the waitress left the table with their order. "Haven't you had ice cream before, Doctor?"   
The Doctor frowned. "I have, but never on Earth." he said.   
Clara's eyes went wide. "They have ice cream on other planets, too?"   
The Doctor proceeded to tell her everything about Gallifreyan eating habits. A few minutes in, he was interrupted by the waitress coming up with their cones if ice cream. She handed them to the Doctor and Clara.   
"Thank you." Clara told her. The waitress smiled and went to another table to take the order of others. Both the Doctor and Clara took to their ice cream as the Doctor continued to talk between bites. Clara had many questions, and they didn't leave the ice cream parlor until long after they finished eating. Clara stepped out onto the sidewalk outside the parlor, closely followed by the Doctor. She looked around the plaza they were in. Clara saw a men's clothes shop just across the street and dragged him towards it, insisting he needed new clothes. "Your clothes are getting too old and too small." she said, looking up at his scowling face. After many complaints and arguments, she was able to convince him to go and buy some new clothes. Grabbing him by the hand, she dragged him eagerly toward the back of the shop. A few people were scattered throughout the shop, but the Doctor had missed Saturday and landed on a Monday, so it was mostly empty.   
"Come on, Doctor." she said, waving her free hand at a rack of dress shirts. "Which do you think you could try on?" The Doctor reluctantly picked out a black and white polka-dotted shirt and allowed her to pull him toward the dressing rooms and push him inside a stall.   
"Control freak..." he muttered under his breath. He pulled off his hoodie and his jumper, leaving bare skin, and tried to put the shirt on. But he soon discovered that the buttons would not budge. Sighing, he called "Clara! I think I need a little help."   
Clara poked her head into the stall and gazed at his bare chest before pulling her eyes back up to his eyes, blushing lightly. "With what?" she asked.  
"These buttons will not unbutton." The Doctor said, frustrated. Clara stepped in and closed the door, unbuttoning the buttons one by one. Then she gestured for him to turn around. She pulled the shirt onto his lean frame and stepped closer to button it up. While she was doing up the buttons, she glanced up at the Doctor, who gazed right back at her. When she finished, he twirled around demonstratively. "How do I look?" he asked.   
Clara hid her smile behind her fingers. "You look dapper." she admitted. "You should buy it."  
So the Doctor tried to unbutton the buttons once more but again needed Clara's assistance. Clara stepped forward again and unbuttoned the stubborn buttons. As she was undoing the ones around the wrist of the shirt, the Doctor noticed she had a sprinkle from the ice cream near her mouth. Unable to wipe it off with his occupied hand, he leaned down and pressed his lips to the corner of her mouth to get it off. Clara stepped back, shocked.   
"What is it?" the Doctor said, frowning.   
"Nothing," said Clara laughing. "It's just that you kissed my cheek, Doctor. It was unexpected."   
The Doctor blushed. "I did not kiss your cheek. You had chocolate on your face."   
Clara raised her eyebrows but said nothing as she undid the rest of the buttons and pulled the shirt off carefully. He slid back into his t-shirt and hoodie and the two emerged from the dressing room to get in line to pay. There was only one other person paying ahead of them. Clara gathered the Doctor's hand in her own. "I like it when you make physical contact, Doctor." she said. "It makes me feel safe."  
The Doctor smiled blushingly, and bent down to kiss her forehead. Who was he to deny Clara Oswald what she wanted? Clara smiled and reached up to kiss his cheek in return. The Doctor touched the place her lips had been with his free fingers. She looked so beautiful standing there, so human and young and full of life. "Clara, I l-" the Doctor started. But the cashier had said "I'll take the next one down here!" before he could finish. The two moved forward, still holding hands, and the Doctor placed the shirt down on the counter and fumbled in his hoodie pocket to pay. The cashier smiled broadly at the pair of them as she rang the shirt up. She was a small Chinese woman, clearly advanced in years. "You two." she said in broken English, smiling. "In love?"  
The Doctor opened his mouth in mortification.   
"N-no." Clara stammered, red-faced. She glanced at the Doctor, who still had his mouth open in surprise. "Anything but that." she added.   
The Doctor felt like he had been struck in the hearts as the cashier handed him the bag with the shirt. What he didn't notice was Clara glancing at him fretfully as they exited the shop. The two walked back to the TARDIS hand in hand.


	7. I Will Make Sure To Keep My Distance

The Doctor paced around the console, thinking about their next destination. Clara mirrored him on the other side. The TARDIS warbled as they both walked around the console, talking. "Future Jupiter?" suggested the Doctor. "Could be worth a look." Clara shrugged. "Maybe we could go somewhere on Earth. Like Paris? Or future New York on New Years Eve!" Clara smiled at the thought of watching the ball drop with the Doctor by her side. The Doctor frowned. "Come on, Clara." he said. "Let's go somewhere farther from home. It was your pick last time." he pointed out. Clara wasn't budging. "Doctor, Earth. Future New York. It'll be so much fun! Besides," she reasoned, "When was the last time you had a human experience?" The Doctor sighed, giving in. "Fiiiinnneeeee." he said, exaggerating his disappointment. "But next time, it's my turn." Clara nodded her assent, and the Doctor flipped switches around the console, pulling levers and pushing buttons. They had taken off and landed before Clara could say anything. "Here we are, then." chirped the Doctor. He opened the doors and Clara saw a large clock made of glistening metal. standing at the end of a cobblestone street. "Earth! New York City! 11:30 on December 31st, just as promised." The Doctor took a small bow. Clara giggled at his silliness and pulled him forward as they walked down the street, hand in hand. Soon, they reached an apartment building and quickly rented a room with a view of the ball-drop so they could stand out on the balcony and watch it. "11:58." stated Clara, checking her watch. She gathered up the Doctor's hand again on the balcony and he pulled her to him so she could rest her head on his shoulder. At precisely 11:59, Clara gazed up at him. "Hugging?" she laughed. "Since when do you do hugging?" The Doctor grinned. "Since you said you liked hugging, Clara Oswald. Oh look, the countdown is starting."

_ten_ chanted the crowd below. The Doctor held Clara around the waist tightly as she gazed up at him.

_nine_ echoed the crowd. He looked intently into her eyes. They seemed to be reflecting the moonlight.

_eight_

Clara caught her breath and looked right back up at the Doctor. She could see galaxies in his eyes as he pulled her closer. The Doctor leaned into Clara. She smelled like a whole field of flowers.

_seven_

Clara's hand reached up and cradled the back of the Doctor's head, moving him closer.

  _six_

The Doctor tangled his fingers in Clara's hair and leaned so their foreheads rested together. 

_five_

He could see right into her.

_four_

She could read every line in his face.

_three_

Something in her eyes...something told him he should keep his distance from her.

_two_

She could feel his warm breath on her lips. She closed her eyes in anticipation...

_one_

The Doctor pulled Clara into his chest in a tight hug. His arms around her waist and his lips in her hair, he kept her safe from the distance he put between them. 

_zero_

The ball dropped and smashed with Clara's heart. Nevertheless, her arms tentatively wrapped around the Doctor's abdomen and she returned his hug. The Doctor whispered a secret into her hair. But she didn't hear over the sound of his thumping hearts.


	8. Say I Love You When You're Not Listening

The Doctor padded around in his socks and pajamas on the metal floors of the TARDIS hallways, looking for his companion. "Clara!" he called. "Clara?"  
He hoped she hadn't gotten lost in the infinite expanse of the ship again. It would take ages to find her. Literally.   
"Clara!" he said again, "Where have you gone?"   
He heard a faint cry of "Doctor!" down the winding corrode towards the library. He hurried towards the door to that particular room and rushed through it. "Clara?" he said yet again, poking his head between two shelves and spotting Clara stretched out on a leather sofa. "There you are!"  
Clara lay on her side in her own kid-ish pajamas, engrossed in a book.   
"Hello, Doctor." she said without looking up.  
The Doctor smiled. "Hello." He walked up to the sofa. "Move over."   
Clara frowned. "The couch is too small." she insisted.   
"Then get up."  
"That's rude!" she scoffed. But she did get off the sofa. It was his, after all. The Doctor sat down on the one-person sofa and stretched his legs out slightly. "Turn around." he instructed, and Clara did so. Then, to Clara's surprise, he pulled her onto his lap. Clara shot a surprised look at him. He did seem to be getting used to physical contact quite quickly.   
"There we are, then." the Doctor said, as if he had done nothing more than solve a problem. "Two of us on one sofa. Easy."  
Clara shrugged in defeat and settled against his chest. His arms wrapped around her middle.   
"Will you read to me?" Clara asked.   
The Doctor hesitated. "Read to you?"  
Clara nodded. "Yes, read me my book. Please?"  
The Doctor never stood a chance. He took her Earth book, Pride and Prejudice, opened it to the folded page, and began to read. His Scottish lilt rumbled in his chest against Clara's ear. Clara soon turned around in his arms so that her ear was to his chest, listening to the vibration of his voice. Her arms wrapped around his chest and he pressed a quiet kiss to the top of her head. Soon, the Doctor's voice was dry. He stopped reading, but Clara hardly seemed to notice, though her eyes were open.   
"Clara." he whispered, stroking her hair. "Are you alright?"  
Clara slid her fingers under his shirt, briefly rubbing his ribs. "I'm fine..." she whispered back.   
"I'm going to get a glass of water." said the Doctor softly. "Wait here."   
Clara obliged, standing up and allowing him to do so as well. She sat back down as he walked toward the exit. He hesitated at the doorway, his view of her blocked by the rows of shelves.   
"I-I love you...." he whispered into the cold air.   
But Clara didn't hear him, as usual.


	9. How along 'Till We Call This Love?

The Doctor snuck a look at Clara from across the console. There she stood, bright-eyed and grinning, thinking about their last few adventures. They had rescued Pluto from Zygons, visited the Lost Moon of Poosh, almost got captured by Daleks, fought off a horde of Pterolectals, and barely escaped with their lives. Nevertheless, she looked like she needed a break. Though he would never admit it, so did he.  
"Doctor..." began Clara.  
"Yes, Clara?" said the Doctor, looking up from his wiring.  
"There's an Oswald family gathering," Clara said as she rounded the console, "And as we've been on a few adventures off of Earth, I thought maybe...?"  
The Doctor looked at her doubtfully. "A family gathering?"  
Clara nodded. The Doctor turned away from her.  
"I suppose a little bit of human affair wouldn't hurt," he said. "What exactly would this entail?"  
Clara brightened. "A nice sit-down dinner, nothing fancy, and a bit of television."  
The Doctor looked at her in dread. "Television?" he groaned.  
Clara laughed. "What's wrong with television?"  
The Doctor hid his face in his hands and flopped down on his armchair. "It's so boring!" he said. "Why watch the moon landing on television when you can just go see it in person?"  
"Okay, first of all, we are definitely not watching the moon landing, and second of all, not everyone has that luxury."  
Clara took the Doctor's hands and puled him to his feet. "Come on!"  
The Doctor reluctantly went to the console and clicked some switches. The TARDIS took off.  
"I assume it's at your apartment?" said the Doctor.  
Clara nodded happily. When they landed, Clara curled her hand around his and opened the doors out into her kitchen.  
"I've prepared it all ahead of time." Clara reassured the tentative Doctor. "No cooking."  
"Good. Hold on." The Doctor ran a finger down the blue box and it turned invisible.  
"Cool!" Clara said enthusiastically.  
The Doctor smiled. "Is your family already here?" he asked.  
"Well, I don't-" but Clara was interrupted by the door of the kitchen bursting open. A flurry of people including her dad, Linda, her grandmother, her aunt, and several of her cousins and their children crowded at the door.  
"Clara!" Clara's dad said. "How nice to see you!"  
"Hello, Clara." her gran said, pleased. "Won't you introduce us to your...er...friend?" She eyed their hands, which were still clasped together tightly.  
Clara blushed and released the Doctor's hand. "This is John Smith, a friend of mine."  
The Doctor raised his eyebrows but said nothing as he was greeted by all of Clara's family members.  
"I'm Angela." said one cousin. "Nice to meet you."  
Once Clara had waved everyone to the dining room, she glanced at the Doctor.  "What do you think of my family?"  
The Doctor wiped a lipstick stain off of his cheek, left there by one of Clara's many friendly cousins. "Basic humans..." he said. "Probably not aliens."  
Clara giggled and waved him off to the dining room table. "Go on, just don't do anything...y'know...alieny."  
The Doctor shook his head in bewilderment but entered the dining room cautiously, striking up a conversation with a small boy named Nick about robots. A few minutes later, Clara entered with a bowl of salad and some drumsticks.  
"Dinner is served." she proclaimed as she set the plates down on the table and sat down between her gran and Angela.  
"Clara..." the Doctor said.  
Clara understood. She sighed, stood up, and sat back down next to the Doctor. He shyly took her hand under the table. Angela smiled and raised her eyebrows at them but said nothing. As the meal progressed, the Doctor got woozier and sleepier due to the glasses of wine Clara's gran kept pouring him. Several times, Clara caught him staring at her and he looked away quickly. Though it was slightly awkward eating with one hand, the Doctor's fingers remained curled around Clara's hand throughout the dinner.  
"Do you have children, Angela?" said the Doctor, trying to make conversation. He gestured at the horde of children.  
"Not me, no." Angela said.  
"Why not?"  
"Doc-John!" Clara exclaimed, blushing. But Angela laughed it off.  
Soon, the Oswalds and the Doctor stood up to go to the sitting room where they could watch the movie.  
"What movie is it?" questioned the Doctor.  
"The kids want Big Hero Six." Clara said with a laugh.  
"Big Hero Six?" The Doctor frowned. "What's th-" He quickly stopped talking at a meaningful look from Clara.  
The Oswalds settled down on the couch and the kids slid onto the floor. There was barely room on the small sofa. Clara was uncomfortably wedged in between the Doctor, who refused to let go of her hand, and Linda. She managed to set up the movie, and as it started, her head settled onto the Doctor's shoulder. Linda shot them a disapproving glance, but they barely noticed. As the movie started, Clara ran her fingers over the Doctor's long ones. Aside from the odd comments the Doctor occasionally made, everything went okay, until halfway through, the kids got extremely bored and started whining. Their parents were forced to take them home.  
"A pleasure to meet you, John." one called as they were dragged out of the room. Clara, her dad, her gran, Linda, Angela, and the Doctor were left in the room with the movie playing at a low volume. Linda went to the toilet and in that time, Clara's dad and gran drifted off to sleep.  
Angela laughed. "Dropping like flies." she joked. "Can I have a word with you, John?" The Doctor hesitated, suddenly wide-awake, then looked at Clara, who shrugged.  
"Sure..." the Doctor said as he stood up, dropping Clara hand. As soon as they got into the kitchen, Angela started laughing.  
"What? What is it?" the Doctor said, confused.  
"Sorry." said Angela between giggles. "But it's just so obvious."  
The Doctor frowned, his forehead creasing. "What are you talking about?" he said cautiously, hand moving toward his screwdriver.  
"You!" she said. "And Clara! Can't you see?"  
The Doctor frowned deeper. "See what?"  
Angela shook her head in amazement. "Look, it's very obvious that you're in love with her, John." she said bluntly.  
"W-what?" he spluttered. "How dare-that's not-we're friends!"  
Angela scoffed. "'Friends' don't hold hands at the dinner table." she said. "And the way you look at each other, someone was bound to notice!"  
The Doctor buried his face in his hands, embarrassed. "I'm sorry." he said. "I'll be subtler next time."  
Angela softened. "That isn't the point." she said. "You need to tell her, John. Before it's too late."  
He looked up at her. "I-even if I did think of her as more than a friend-which is completely untrue," he blustered, "I doubt she would feel that way."  
She laughed. "You'd be surprised." she said. "How long do you think you can keep this up?" And she left him in the room alone with his face buried in his hands. When she reached the sitting room again, she constructed a quick lie. "John wants to talk to you." she said to Clara. Clara got up, stretched, and went to the kitchen, careful not to wake her dad and gran. The Doctor heard the door creak open and looked up.  
"You wanted to talk to me?" Clara said.  
The Doctor shook his head, confused. "Not at all."  
Clara blinked. "But Angela sa-"  
"Ah, Angela." the Doctor yawned. "A rather talkative human."  
Clara moved toward him, smiling. "You look exhausted." she said, wrapping her arms around his chest. The Doctor rested his chin on her head, smiling. "That'll be the alcohol." he admitted. "Alcohol and Time Lords do not mix."  
"Why am I not surprised?" Clara mumbled against his chest.  
The Doctor wrapped his finger in a strand of her hair. "Clara?" he said, staring at the flowery pattern on the wall.  
"Yes, Doctor?"  
He sighed, holding her tighter. "I lo-"  
The door opened and Linda burst in. She gasped as the Doctor and Clara jumped quickly apart but said nothing as she took a soda from the fridge and she exited the room, shooting a suspicious glance back at them.  
"We should probably go..." Clara said. "The movie..."  
"Yeah..." the Doctor sighed. "The movie."


	10. Please Don't Stand So Close To Me

The Doctor and Clara Oswald were rushing away from the explosion of fire and smoke behind them. They had just witnessed a whole colony of mutated humans be blown up by a legion of Cybermen because they weren't compatible with their upgrade. Fortunately, the explosion had taken out the Cybermen too. Unfortunately, Clara was now trying to hide her tearful face from the gaze of the Doctor. As they ran quickly through the grassy plain, Clara sobbed for the lives of the many innocent half-humans that were obliterated for the selfishness of the Cybermen,   
"Far enough!" yelled the Doctor, obviously oblivious to Clara's sadness.   
"Right." choked Clara, blinking back her tears and hastily wiping her face. "Can we go back to the TARDIS now?"  
The Doctor turned to her, "Not yet." he said. "We have to inspect the debris for any Cyberman remains that may be of use to the Cyberleader."  
Clara smiled weakly at him as he put a hand on her arm and steered her back toward the now-destroyed colony. He still had no idea of the emotional pain the explosion had inflicted on her. Halfway through sorting through the pile of buildings and Cyberman parts, they encountered several disembodied human body parts. Tears of disgust and remorse sprung to Clara's eyes again.The Doctor was busy sorting through the Cyberman parts, but turned slowly when he heard a stifled sob.   
"Clara!" he exclaimed as he rushed to her side. "Are you okay? Are you hurt?"  
"No, Doctor." Clara said through her tears. "It's just...these people...they had lives. They were alive an hour ago, very alive, and they had normal, everyday lives. And now..."  
The Doctor immediately placed his arms around Clara and let her rest her crying face on his shoulder. "I know....I'm sorry, Clara." he said, "There was nothing we could do for them."   
"It's not your fault..." Clara said, her tears slowly stopping. She felt like a little child again, crying all over the place and in need of comfort. "I'm sorry..." she said, trying to pull away from his arms.   
The Doctor didn't let her. "Sorry? For what?"  
"Going emotional on you." Clara said, smiling softly.   
The Doctor shook his head. "I don't blame you. It can be too much at times."  
Clara sighed and put her arms back around him, gazing up at his sad smile. She giggled shakily. "You're wearing my smile, Doctor."   
The Doctor looked down at her. "It's a beautiful smile." he murmured. Then he pulled her closer to him by the waist.   
"Thank you..." whispered Clara. Her hands reached up into his hair, pulling his face closer.  
He wiped a tear from her face with his fingers and kissed the place it had fallen, a little above her cheek near her cheekbone. "I hate to see you sad, Clara." he said. "I l-" he hesitated, looking down at her thoughtfully. Then he sighed and pulled away from her arms, turning his back to her. "Please," he said. "Don't stand so close to me."  
Clara stared after him but said nothing.


	11. I'm Having Trouble Breathing

The Doctor and Clara had decided on a break after a few fast-paced and confusing adventures.  
"Let's go to the beach!" Clara said.  
"A beach sounds nice." the Doctor said. "What beach?"  
"I don't know any alien beaches, Doctor."  
The Doctor looked at her thoughtfully. "I know somewhere."  
Clara nodded. "Let's go, then."  
The Doctor smiled at her eagerness. His Clara would never get tired of surprises.  
As he flipped the switches and pulled the levers, he grinned across the console at her. She smiled back.  
The TARDIS took off and landed in a matter of five minutes.  
"We're there, Clara." called the Doctor.  
Clara sprung up from the armchair like an excited child and the Doctor took her hand.  
They stepped out of the doors together onto a deserted beach with sparkling blue water and a purple sky with a brilliant orange-red sun visible. A broken umbrella was perched sadly in the reddish sand.  
"Wow!" exclaimed Clara. "This is beautiful!" She thrust her arms around the Doctor, who hugged her back with no discomfort. He was finally, finally used to her unexpected hugging attacks. She kissed his jawline quickly before pulling away and pulling him toward the water. The Doctor allowed himself to be dragged to the shoreline where the two sat criss-cross on the beach with their hands shyly joined in the middle.  
"The view, Doctor." Clara sighed. "It's amazing."  
"Indeed." the Doctor said, gazing out toward the horizon.  
They sat like this for a few moments until they were interrupted by a loud foghorn. They sprung up as two majestic, sparkling, great, big ships emerged from underwater, both firing madly. They were both loaded with crews of what looked like glistening merpeople. The two beautiful and terrible ships circled one another not far from where the Doctor and Clara stood. The sound of cannons filled the air.  
"Doctor! What the hell is that?" Clara shouted.  
"Oh no!" the Doctor yelled. "Oh no, oh no, I forgot!"  
"Forgot what?" screamed Clara. "How could you possibly forget this?"  
"The Merman War of 1812!" The Doctor yelled in ecstasy. "We have to go help the merpeople that are stuck underwater!"  
"Saving merpeople?" Clara muttered. "Sounds like a normal day with the Doctor."  
"What was that?" the Doctor shouted over the noise.  
"Nothing!" Clara assured him.  
"Let's go! The water is high in oxygen!" the Doctor shouted.  
"We can breathe underwater?" shouted Clara. "That's so-"  
"Scientific?" suggested the Doctor.  
"Cool!" finished Clara.  
The Doctor rolled his eyes and grabbed her hand again as they jumped into the torrent of waves. Once they were underwater, they could see and breathe just fine. The two swam towards the bottom of the ocean to rescue merpeople.  
'This is ridiculous.' thought Clara as she freed a family from under some rocks. 'But still, it is quite cool.'  
She grinned at the Doctor, who was some distance away helping another family. He grinned right back. Behind Clara, rocks were being lifted and thrown carelessly off the fish-like creatures by other families. Clara didn't notice a boulder was hurtling toward her until she saw the Doctor's look of dismay and felt the large rock thud against her skull. She instantly collapsed into darkness.  
"Clara!" shouted the Doctor soundlessly underwater. "Clara!"  
The Doctor swam towards her as fast as he could, gathered her in his arms, and swam to shore.  
"Clara!" the Doctor yelled again, shaking her. She was motionless. He took a deep breath and made a split second decision. He leaned down and clamped his lips over hers to breathe life into her.  
In, out.  
Clara lay in pitiful silence.  
In, out.  
Her heart beat erratically.  
In, out.  
She stirred slightly.  
Come on, Clara. Breathe for me. In, out.  
Clara came to with a gasp and found someone's lips pressed to hers. She did the only thing she could think of. She wove her hands through his hair and began to kiss him.  
The Doctor allowed himself to kiss her back fiercely for a moment before realizing what he was doing and quickly pulling away.  
Clara sat up dizzily. "S-sorry." she stuttered. "Didn't realize-"  
The Doctor looked at her, his pupils blown and his hair messed up in the loveliest way. "I-I know." the Doctor said. "It's fine. Forget about it." He shoved his hands in his pockets and turned his back to her, facing the now-quiet sea. "Ah, look, the battle's over."  
Clara stood up unsteadily and stumbled toward the Doctor before tripping and falling. The Doctor quickly caught her before she hit the ground. He pulled her close to him.  
"Oh, Clara," he said softly as he looked down at her disoriented face. "You were always this. Always the strength over the weakness."  
She clung to him desperately. "You are..." she croaked into his chest. "You're my lifeline."  
The Doctor held her closer and pressed his lips to her damp hair. "I-I love-"  
A wave pushed them over into the sand before he could finish. The Doctor quickly sprang back up, scooped the now unconscious Clara into his arms, and rushed to the TARDIS. She would be absolutely fine.


	12. I'm Afraid Of What You'll See

The Doctor and Clara stood face to face in the TARDIS, her hands on her hips, and his on her shoulders.  
"A ball?" Clara frowned. "What's the catch?"  
The Doctor raised his eyebrows. "Nothing, no catch. It's just an alien ball, Clara."  
Clara blushed. "You're asking me...to a ball?"  
The Doctor looked confused and quickly withdrew contact. "No, I'm asking you to come with me to the ball. As friends." he added hastily.  
Clara smiled. "Okay, sure. Why not?" She knew the Doctor, and she knew that the ball was likely to be invaded or interrupted or exploded or something.  
"There's also a dinner." the Doctor said as he flew the TARDIS. "I hope you're hungry."  
Clara nodded. "Don't worry."  
Clara went to change while the Doctor flew the TARDIS. But when she came back wearing a flattering floor-length evening gown, he was already in a suit.   
"Clara, you look..." he blanched, looking down at her face.   
Clara laughed. "Thank you, you look lovely too."  
The Doctor extended his arm and she looped hers around it as they stepped out of the TARDIS doors into a reception hall. Two guards stood by gigantic bronze doors and one stepped forward to greet them.  
"Mr. Smith. Delightful." one guard said pompously. "And you must be Mrs. Smith." He gestured towards Clara.  
"Actually-" started Clara.  
The Doctor cut her off. "Yes, yes. This is my wife, Clara. Do call me John." He quickly shot Clara an apologetic glance. She shrugged back at him.  
They were escorted through the doors into a gigantic, high-ceilinged room lined with food-covered tables. Great sparkling chandeliers hung down, and mostly humanoid aliens babbled away around them.  
The Doctor looked at Clara with an expectant face. Clara tried to look unimpressed. "This'll do." she said, stifling a laugh of amazement.  "A bit like the Great Hall."  
The Doctor laughed and tugged her towards a table. "Come on, silly-head, it's almost time to eat."  
They sat down across from each other, each taking up their eating utensils. Soon, the rest of the crowd took their seats as well. A young man with an abnormally handsome face but slightly large ears sat down next to the Doctor.   
"Hello, Mr. Smith." he said conversationally.  
"Good evening, Mr. Baron. May I introduce you to my-er-wife, Clara?"  
Mr Baron shook Clara's outstretched hand. "A pleasure. You're a lucky man, John."  
The Doctor blushed, his ears turning bright red. "Indeed."  
Clara caught the Doctor's eye but he looked away, and down at his food.  
"Lovely venison." Mr. Barabon commented.   
Clara looked down at her untouched food with wide eyes. "Venison? Is that deer?"  
"Well, yes. Is there a problem?"   
The Doctor answered for her. "No, not at all."  
But Clara pushed her plate away, looking green in the face. The Doctor reached for her hand under the table. Her cold fingers intertwined with his.   
Soon, a soft bell rang and a door at the other end of the dining hall opened to reveal a ballroom. The crowd filed through the doors. An orchestra played music in the corner of the shining ballroom. Waiters walked around with plates of what looked like glasses of whisky. Clara and the Doctor each politely took one.   
An hour later, the ballroom was still full of couples and families dancing on the ballroom floor. Clara was chatting with a female gypsy-like alien on one end of the ballroom, red-faced from the alcohol and laughing. The Doctor stared at her wistfully from across the room. He tore his gaze away, staring at the couples thoughtfully. Then, he started across the ballroom towards Clara. When he reached her side, he touched her arm lightly.   
"Having a good time?"  
"Oh, yes, Doctor, thank you for this." And with that she stretched up and pressed a kiss to his jaw.  
The Doctor smiled. "Clara, will you-?"  
"Clara!" said Mr. Baron, striding up to her. "May I have the next dance?"  
"Of course." Clara said, taking his hand.  
"You don't mind, of course, John." joked Mr. Baron.  
"Of course not." mumbled the Doctor. Clara glanced at him before stepping onto the dance floor with Mr. Baron.  
The Doctor leaned back against the wall, watching Clara dance with the younger man. The dance was a fast and fretful one, and Mr. Baron kept twirling Clara around. She giggled, dancing along with him. The Doctor watched them for a while, swallowing thickly. His hands hovered in the air, as if he had forgotten how to use them. His face twitched slightly. After a while, he hid his face in his hands and groaned. When would the song be over?  
"Doctor?" Clara said, suddenly back in front of him. "Is something wrong?"  
He peeked through his fingers. "No." Then, feeling slightly foolish, he dropped his hands and offered one to Clara. "Will you dance with me?"  
Clara grinned. "Of course." She took his hand and he led her to the dance floor, placing her arms on his shoulders. His went around her waist. They swayed aimlessly to the slow, mournful song that was playing.   
Off to the side. the gypsy-like woman was now talking to Mr. Baron. "A lovely couple." she said to him, gesturing towards the Doctor and Clara.   
Mr. Baron nodded. "Beautiful."  
"The way they look at each other." she continued. "No wonder she's married to him at such a young age."  
Back on the floor, the Doctor was mesmerized by Clara's eyes. He could see tiny flecks of gold near her irises. She stared back up at him unblinkingly.   
The Doctor cleared his throat finally. "Mr. Baron...you seem very friendly with him."   
"Yes." Clara said. "He's very kind."  
The Doctor frowned. "Maybe...maybe too kind."  
Clara laughed. "Doctor, are you jealous?"  
"N-no, of course not. I don't quite trust him, though."  
"Don't worry, I'm not about to marry him. Besides, he thinks we're married."  
The Doctor's breath caught on the last word. "True."  
Clara moved a little closer to him. "Although, if we're married, perhaps you should be a bit friendlier."   
There was a pause where all that could be heard was the slow music and the chattering crowd. "Perhaps." the Doctor said finally, pulling her to him so she could rest her head on his chest as they swayed.  
She sighed and wrapped her arms around his torso. They slowly turned as they swayed, both silent. He soon pulled back and kissed her forehead silently. She closed her eyes at his touch. He cupped her face and looked straight into her eyes as they continued to sway. She looked intently into his.   
'I love you.' his eyes said. 'You mean so much to me, Clara. I l-'  
The Doctor abruptly jerked his head away and stared toward the rest of the couples, for fear of what she would see in his eyes. His arms pulled her back to his chest and she rested her chin on his shoulder.


	13. Chapter 13

Clara was curled up in the Doctor's armchair near the console room, reading a book. The Doctor stared absentmindedly at her, leaning against the console. He was thinking about the time he had spent without her. The pain of traveling alone, of turning to tell her a new fact about the planet he was visiting and discovering she wasn't there, and of ending up talking to himself out loud. He felt the pain of the past, and it hurt him. It hurt him to think about what would happen once Clara had left him, or once she was gone. No, he would not think about the time after she was dead. She would endure. His impossible girl would find a way to endure, or he would find one for her.   
"...Doctor!" he suddenly heard Clara yell, shaking him out of his deep thought.   
"Yes, sorry." the Doctor said, wrenching his gaze away from her. "Lost in thought."  
Clara was standing now. He looked at her again and a heavy weight settled in his chest. Sighing, he pushed past her and sat down in the armchair she had sprung off. He hesitated then pulled her into his lap. Clara frowned.  
"Are you alright, Doctor?"  
The Doctor nodded, pulling her to his chest so her head rested on his shoulder. He opened his mouth. "I've been thinking, and I've decided I'd like to show you something, if that's okay with you."  
Clara looked confused but nodded. "Okay, but what d'you want to show me?"  
The Doctor said, "Turn around."   
Clara obliged and turned in his lap so that she was sitting on his legs, facing him, her legs folded on either side of his.   
The Doctor caught her eye and reached to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. She stared at him as he gently put his hands on her temples and asked her to do the same. Then, he asked, "Are you ready?"  
"For what?" Clara asked, but he had already closed his eyes and started to project his memories into her brain.  
Quickly and abruptly, images started to flow into her brain. Him on a reddish-orangey-grassed planet, him on Jupiter, him on the Lost Moon of Poosh. These were all the times that he had gone on adventures without her. Clara stared at his face, transfixed, as he next projected his time inside the TARDIS without her, at the images of the Doctor laying face-down on his bed, at him moping around the corridors, at him finding ways to distract himself from the fact that she wasn't there. Suddenly, the images changed to a brighter hue as they showed the Doctor and Clara at Christmas, when he had seen her for the first time in months.   
"Clara, I want you to step inside the TARDIS. I don't want you to talk. I want you to do as I ask, please."  
She had obliged to him even after they hadn't spoken in months, and oh, it was so wonderful to see her, but she wasn't the same Clara Oswald he knew. She seemed duller, drabber, as if captured by unhappiness. Shouldn't she be happy, now that she was with Danny? He shrugged it off.   
He had taken her roughly by the forearms and stared into her eyes and she stared right back at him.  
"Do you really believe in Santa Claus?"   
He was determined to save her, determined to get it right this time, he couldn't lose her again, not like this.  
The memories of her agreeing to stay with him streamed into her brain and tears sprung to her eyes at his fear that she would reject him, and at the way his heart leapt when she said yes, and at his ecstasy and excitement as they rushed back to the TARDIS. She had felt it too, at the time, but now it felt fresh and new as she saw it from his point of view.  
The Doctor guided her along their many adventures until they reached the one where she had gotten hit by the flying glass. She felt the dismay in his chest as he lifted her up and carried her to the TARDIS. She saw him care for her and felt his relief when she came to.  She watched their conversation from his view. And she watched herself as she fell asleep again and the Doctor sat down at her side and stroked her hair.   
"I could have lost you." the Doctor whispered. There was a pause. Then, "I love you."   
Clara gasped and tried to pull away, but the Doctor was determined to show her every bit of him.  
He was having that dream, that dream with Missy and the disagreement. Everything was jumbled mess of color, but Clara could hear herself screaming and then heard a plate of eggs fall with a crash as the Doctor woke up.   
The memories skipped to them sitting across from each other, eating breakfast.   
This was it. He was finally going to tell her. He was going to tell her that he loved her.   
"Clara, I-" The TARDIS alarm was going off and he was jumping up and Clara was totally oblivious to what he was about to say.  
The Doctor took her through every instance where he had tried to tell her he loved her, and she felt his frustration as he got interrupted each time. She was shown their night in the hotel, the love he had felt for her as he took her hands and tried to confess himself to her.  
She was shown the galaxies he had seen as he looked at her while they sat with their backs to the doors of the TARDIS, all sweaty and worn out.  
She fell out of the helicopter as the Doctor, and felt his fear that she might reject him when they landed. A brief darkness was projected into her mind as he closed his eyes, his mind pounding with the weight of the words he would say to her. But he never got to it in time, no matter how much he tried.  
Clara and the Doctor were now sitting intertwined, her arms around his torso, his around her waist, their foreheads rested together as he poured himself into her. He gave her the emotions he had suffered in the clothing store when she had casually rejected the idea of them being in love, the emotions he had suffered as he read the denial of intimacy in her eyes when they had watched the ball drop in New York, and the emotions he had felt when they sat in library, closer than ever but with a distance of a thousand miles seperating them. He had tried to tell her then, too. But she wasn't listening.   
The Doctor continued to pour himself into her.  
His refusal to part with her at the Oswald gathering and his masked relief when someone finally understood him. And his anxiety that Clara would never, ever understand.  
His urge to tell her what he burned to, as they stood, ever so close, on the millions of ripped apart lives and torn-down civilizations.  
His moment of fiery passion as he kissed the lips of a girl he could never call his own.  
Now his eyes filled with tears as he showed her his jealousy as he watched her with another man. Oh, how it burned. How it snapped at his hearts and tugged at his chest.  
The Doctor had danced with her, and tried to share the heaviness in his heart with her through his eyes, but had not been brave enough to say it aloud. Self-hatred flowed through him, and Clara felt it as clear as day.  
They both gasped as they pulled away.   
"Clara." croaked the Doctor. "My Clara, I l-"  
But he couldn't speak, for she had began to kiss him openmouthedly.  
The Doctor immediately pulled her closer, his arms around her waist. He responded to her with all he had, his lips moving over hers with a fierce determination. Clara's hands tightened in his hair as they explored each other passionately. Their hearts pressed together, the distance between them vanished like a dying star.  
Finally, they both pulled back, panting.  
"Clara..." the Doctor gasped.   
"I love you too." said Clara, out of breath. He shook his head in bewilderment and kissed her again.


End file.
